Alone With You
by cherokeecaryl
Summary: She left her unstable home for the weekend, she always did. She felt her hope slowly dying. But luckily, there was him. Just the thought of him was enough to make her feel alive. And he appeared just in time, showing her the kindness she always loved.


**Hello, Hey Arnold! fandom. About two months ago, I was hit with nostalgia and started re-watching all the episodes and it brought awesome memories! I'm watching School Play as I write this :) I've been a H/A supporter since I'm six! So when this idea came to my mind, I had to do it! I wrote this listening to Jim Lang's beautiful work, and two Adele songs: One and Only and Lovesong. The title of this story is taken from the lyrics of the last one. **

**Thanks to my amazing friend FrozenSoldier for pre-reading this! **

****Hope you enjoy, dear readers! **  
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><p>It was almost funny, the drama and fake tragedy almost every girl in my class whined about because daddy forgot to give them this or that. Other than funny, it was unfair. In their eyes, I had everything, I was so lucky according to them. How far were they from the truth. I was miserable, what I wanted I couldn't have. Money couldn't buy everything, true statement. It couldn't buy the love of your parents or that one person you adored; it couldn't buy their attention, especially if someone else already had it. It couldn't buy love, no matter how much you craved it. It couldn't buy happiness. Not in my case, anyway.<p>

Big Bob gave me a car when I when a turned seventeen, as a birthday present. Except that birthday present came a week later, when he remembered that my birthday had passed, and once again, he had forgotten. On April's Fool morning, when I saw the car, my first thought was something related to Olga, some new prize they had gotten her. I was more than surprised when Bob handed me the keys. My mind immediately registered that it was April's Fool and I really thought it was joke. Could I be blamed? My entire life was a joke.

Princess Rhonda Wellington Lloyd followed me for what it seemed ages that day, talking about the joys of wealth. I sent her to the other side of the school when I got tired of listening to her annoying voice. I just had to threaten her with a motive for an upcoming plastic surgery and she practically ran away. I understood that she thought I should have been thrilled, but I was in a foul mood, so no luck. Sorry Miss Lloyd. Most people would have been happy, I was pissed off.

I had a car of my own, a closet full of clothes, a credit card with an enormous amount of money, free technology. And yet, I felt like I had nothing. People said 'Helga Pataki has it all, I wonder why she is like that.' When they said that, I wanted to turn around and scream at them, punch them, hit them with all the pain I felt on the inside, all my frustration and anger. I wanted to invite them to witness five minutes of my life, and they could see how lacking and sad it really was. And people wondered why I was so angry all the time? Really?

Now, Bob and Miriam were engaged in a scream fest, throwing mistakes and actions and words at each other's face, cursing and blaming. Why did I even bother coming to this stupid house?

"The girl is nothing like Olga, Miriam, and that is your fault!" I pressed my lips together, trying not to scream. Why must he think like that of me? Why won't he see what _really _haunts me, which is not only Miriam's fault but his, too? Why do they have to do this?

"My fault! You are a damn hypocrite. She is your daughter, too! You could do something about her."

"You are too busy drinking to do anything!"

"I'm locked in this hell of a house. And why bother, anyway? She is just like you."

I had enough of hearing their stupid fight and worthless opinions about me. _And I'm _nothing_ like Bob._ So I'm a failure of a daughter, huh? Well, sorry if I refused to be perfect like Mary Sunshine.

I hastily threw things I would need for an entire weekend into a small suitcase within reach. After all, I did this every weekend, and each time, I felt a bit of hope and love dying, making me care less about them. Why did I always return?

My escape was almost successful, but the minute I was about to cross the door, Bob saw me and yelled for an explanation. I shot him an icy glare. "I'm leaving this madhouse so I can get away from you," I said slowly. "I'll see you on Sunday, _mom and dad_." I slammed the door and the fighting continued.

I didn't even bother to take the car keys, I just needed to get away and the car was no good for me. Another reminder of how careless my parents were, it was just a consolation prize, like many other things I was given. _I can't be bothered to remember your birthday but hey, got you a car, so let's pretend that I actually care about you._ Sometimes I didn't even want to see that damn car. What a load of crap.

I reached the bridge I usually went to when I needed to think, to calm myself. I sighed, looking down at the water. It was starting to get dark, and I had to get on a bus to go to the nearest hotel, since Phoebe was going out with Gerald. I stayed in that bridge for minutes, just thinking and hoping. I hoped for love, laughter, acceptance.

Someone approached me and stood beside me. I already knew who it was, I always knew when it was him.

"Helga?"

"Hey, Arnold," I said unenthusiastically. Damn, I was so tired that my mind didn't go into the romantic and poetic side.

Drops of water fell on my face and I looked up, scowling at the sky. The rain brought thoughts to my head I didn't want; my very dysfunctional family, my father calling me Olga all the time since I can remember, or just everything that he did; my crappy father, who barely remembered my name. My alcoholic mother, who loved a bottle of Grey Goose more than she loved me. Or my amazing - sense the sarcasm - sister Olga, the personification of beauty and so smart, always my shadow with all her _perfect_ success. Everything was so _perfect._

For some reason, I started thinking of first day of pre-school, walking alone in the rain, that filthy stray dog, his stupid football head and 'I like your bow because it's pink like your pants.' The last memory made me smile, just a small smile, but the only one of the day.

He took his umbrella out and put it over us. Oh, the irony of it all.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"It's a free country, Football Head." I heard him sigh, frustrated at my short response. "I'm just…walking. I do it all the time," I lied.

"I walk here every day and this is the first time I see you," he said.

Time to change the subject. "What are_ you_ doing here?" I asked, hoping he would forget about me. It wasn't so difficult.

"I come from the women shelter, I volunteer there, remember?" Of course I remembered, he's been doing that for years now, he talked about it in at the start of sophomore year and I never forgot. I didn't tell him that, though. I just nodded, he didn't need to know the details of my crush. Okay, obsession. _So what? I love the boy. Doi._

"Always helping, huh?" I tried to make a joke. One of the many things I loved about him, his genuine desire to give a helping hand to others, no expectations.

"Always," he said with a smile. "You look like you need some help." He looked at my small suitcase.

"I…um…" my shoulders slumped in defeat. I was going to tell him, he probably had an idea, anyway. "I left my house."

"Why? What happened?"

"Big Bob and Miriam in the same room, that's enough. Five days of no speaking or being too nice. I just can't stay there." Since last year, I had to leave. Lucky for me, Phoebe's parents were angels fallen from heaven.

Arnold's voice brought my attention back to him. "You okay?"

"Just remembering," I told him. Not a yes, not a no.

"You said _every_ weekend?"

I winced. "Yeah, I leave my house every weekend. I usually go to Phoebe's, but she's with Geraldo on a fancy date, anniversary weekend. Sometimes I go to a hotel. I even went to Lila's once; I forgot the credit card…"

"Lila?" Arnold said, surprised that I would go to Lila in a situation like that.

"Yeah, she's good at keeping her mouth shut. Surprised I actually get along with Lila? She's not bad, we're just different." I never really thought why Lila let me stay over. It was just one time, but she still opened the door wide for me. I didn't hate her like I thought I did when I was nine, I actually liked her, but she wasn't my close friend. She, for some reason, understood. And I made sure to pay it back. She received a nice pair of expensive Nancy Spumoni boots, courtesy of Big Bob's credit card. It took three days for her to accept my 'ever so' generous gift. "Why? Want me to tell you all about Ms. Perfect?" Good God, not the moment for jealousy, Helga old girl.

He cracked a small smile. "Lila is my friend, no romantic feelings there. So, what are you going to do now?" he asked me, a look of true concern of his face. That look made it impossible for me not to tell him.

"Phoebe is getting her romance on with Hair Boy. So I'll go to a ho—"

"You can come to my house," he offered and moved to grab my suitcase.

"No way, Arnoldo. I really don't mind a hotel, Big Bob's money."

"Don't you want to spend that money in other stuff? I'm sure there are other things that would make that money more useful," he said. Stupid, optimistic, gorgeous boy. "Come on, Helga."

"I don't want to invade your house," I sighed.

"I'm inviting you. Come on. Dinner is always…interesting and everyone laughs with the...events." Damn it! Why, why the pleading eyes? I couldn't say no to those eyes, not in a weak moment like this. Maybe years ago, but the bully act had grown old. I still threw punches and a few insults, though. Old habits die hard. Not that I would ever let my killer punches and delightful sarcasm die.

"Fine." Like I could say no after that look, anyway.

"Great! I'll help–" he started but I didn't let him finish. I was already walking, suitcase in hand. "I was going to help you." I stuck my tongue out at him, much like I did when I was nine. Only that now, he stuck his tongue out, too. Oh…

Not. Now.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting a bunch of animals rushing out when he opened the door. "I see you got more cats."

"Grandma brings them, she says they are her best friends." He cleared his throat and called out, "Hey Grandpa? Grandma? We have company, it's Helga."

The old man came to receive Arnold. "Oh, the blonde girl that used to have one eyebrow." The blonde girl that _what_? Come on, that was years ago, dude! I got rid of that thing when I was thirteen! Will this lame ass town ever let me forget that? "Pookie! Get your fancy night gown out, we have a guest for dinner!"

"You got it, Captain!" I heard from upstairs.

"Actually, she's staying the whole weekend," Arnold told him. He then sputtered, "But...not...ah...she's my friend...Aw, crap." I burst into a fit of laughter, knowing why Arnold was suddenly so nervous. The reality of the situation was finally settling in. I was going to spend the weekend at Arnold's, with him all the time close to me. Just a friend helping a friend, but it was Arnold, that was more than enough.

_Arnold, Arnold, Arnold! He is a dream among nightmares!_

"Ah, I see," Arnold's grandpa said with a smirk playing on his lips. Arnold still had a furious blush. "I'll help the crazy old bird with all the fancy clothes. Pookie, no heels! You ain't thirty no more!" he yelled as he climbed the stairs.

I opened my mouth to ask him but he beat me to it. "Grandma likes to dress up when we have someone for dinner."

"And he just goes with it," I said more to myself. They were together for what, a century? And the love was still going strong; he played along with her crazy, even if he was tired and needed a rest. They had each other's back, after so many years, and their relationship seemed to get stronger and stronger. Why couldn't my parents be like that? I didn't ask for a perfect family. I hated perfect – except when it was Arnold related – or anything that seemed to be perfect. I just wanted a normal, loving family. Like Arnold's family. "Your family is something, Arnoldo…Arnold?"

"Planning to come upstairs, Pataki?" He shouted from the staircase, with my suitcase in hand. _Sneaky little brat, I love you. _I caught up with him quickly and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "So, what room am I invading?"

"You're staying in my room," he told me, his voice was low and held a nervous tone. His room? And the way he said it! So light, like it was no big deal. My mind was blank, my heart raced and my body froze momentarily.

A whole weekend, in Arnold's room, all that time with him, his smell surrounding me, his voice luring me. One part of me, my heart, screamed 'Yes! This is your chance!' But my mind, my sometimes overly rational and analytical side said 'It's reckless!' And there was my body. My body was currently cheering next to my heart, as always. Who should I listen? My heart and body, the team that made itself known every time anything related to him came up? Or my mind, the solitary source of knowledge and reason that helped me keep this secret for so many years? Okay, not all that _reasonable_, but still.

I looked at him, hoping to find an answer to my dilemma, only to see the serene smile on his face. It only made me more confused. Could I resist that smile, that face, without blurting my feelings for him? Could I reject the wonderful opportunity to stare at him for three days, day and night, when he wasn't looking?

I entered his room, still debating what to do.

"Is everything alright?" He looked at me with concerned eyes, a frown starting to show.

My mind won the battle. "I can't stay in your room. This is your space. Really, I'll take whatever room you have available." I dropped my eyes to the floor. _Way to lose your shot, Pataki._

"Helga," he sighed. "I offered. I want you to stay here. And there are no rooms available, all the suites are rented, they have been for years now. I have no problem with you staying here."

_He's the purest, kindest soul!_

His grandma called us to dinner, and it was a relief for me. I needed a distraction to look away from him, think of something. Oh, who the hell was I kidding? That was impossible! But, I had better control with people around, especially his grandparents. Sometimes they looked at me as if they knew, and in all honesty why wouldn't they know? They've seen me sneaking in and out of their house whenever something suspicious, a confession of my romantic feelings for Arnold, with my name signed, ended up in Arnold's close proximity. Like his room, the answering machine, or the mail. Criminy, once the message was being delivered by a mocking parrot, for heaven's sake! But anyway, of course they had to know _something_.

Doi.

And yep, just as I came into the dining room, she looked at me over her shoulder and winked, calling me Eleanor, then she looked at Arnold and laughed and his grandpa was just sitting there smiling. Yes, they definitely knew. Maybe even the whole deal. Well, wasn't it _fantastic_?

"Thanks for letting me crash here, Mr. and Mrs. Shortman," I said to them. She shushed me and told me to call them Phil and Gertie. I could do that.

I noticed her elegant dress, no heels, like Arnold's grandpa said. She made him dress up, too, which I found extremely funny and adorable at the same time. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me. He shrugged and adjusted his tie, then started shouting orders at Kokoshka, Hyunh and Potts, who were fighting over mashed potatoes.

I wanted it, that environment of happiness and a big dinner, people asking for food around the table and Arnold's grandparents trying – unsuccessfully – to calm the chaos. And Arnold, he had a huge smile in his face all the while, occasionally rolling his eyes at some ridiculous thing that happened.

He was the one that completed the strange warm and welcoming feeling of the room. He was my definition of perfect. My dinners, whenever Miriam remembered to cook dinner and didn't burn it, always had bad moments and conflicts that made me leave the table and lock myself in my room. Arnold's grandparents were so loving and caring and the other residents of the boarding house acted like a big family. Sure, they were loud and crazy as hell, but not in the bad way I was used to.

I liked everyone, except Kokoshka. What an infuriating man. He lived off his wife and had her tricked, he made up about twenty excuses and lies during dinner. He also asked for money, money and more money. Did I mention money? I was so satisfied when Phil threw his shoe at Kokoshka's head and my happiness intensified when Arnold, always the peace maker, changed the subject and stopped the fighting. Oh, wonderful boy, always doing the right thing without thinking about it. _I love you! Love you! _

By the time dinner was over, I had mixed feelings. I was happy; the drastic change brought a smile to my face. It would be so easy to get used to this in just _minutes_. But I had to get back to the Pataki house by the end of the weekend, and so my happy state would be replaced by the disappointment of a dysfunctional and neglecting family.

"Eleanor, I like your hair. One of the few things I don't forget," Gertie laughed, tapping her fingers against her forehead. "Yep, I remember your pigtails! I used to have pigtails when I was young, too. I saw pictures this morning. Right, Phil?"

"They got me in trouble, Pookie. Ah, the ink…" He chuckled softly to himself.

She smiled, somewhat confused, and returned her attention back to me. "Anyway, Eleanor, you changed your hair."

"Yeah, I don't wear pigtails anymore." But I kept my bow. Even when I didn't put it in my hair, I had with me all the time. And visible, always visible. Right now, I wore it tied around my wrist. It was my symbol of hope, love and kindness.

_I like your bow because it's pink like your pants._

Arnold helped his grandparents with the dishes. The others had escaped, and it didn't go unnoticed by Phil, who shouted at them some more. Oh, Arnold, he was an angel; he tried to do most of the things so his Grandparents could rest. And since I was the intruder, I helped too, even if they told me not to. Eventually, his grandparents gave up and said goodnight. "Goodnight Romeo and Juliet." The old man laughed loudly, at his own joke or my embarrassment, I wouldn't know. Did they seriously bring up that play? That was nine years ago! I thought old people forgot about stuff.

"Sorry about that," Arnold told me. He had a light blush on his cheeks, and he looked everywhere but at me. Maybe he remembered and hated the memory. It was a miracle he still didn't know considering how careless I've been over the years. "All done, let's go."

He led me to the roof. It was a clear night, the sky was cloudless, the stars bright. The moonlight shone in his face, making it look like he had an angelic glow. Was it possible to fall in love with him all over again? Because that was exactly what happened.

We sat against the glass windows of the skylights, and talked. It was so easy to make a conversation with him. Topic after topic, we were on a roll.

"Can you believe we are in our last year of high school?" I said, shaking my head. I just couldn't believe I was so close to finally leaving that place, high school. How I hated high school. I hated going every morning to that jail; I hated the subjects and most the teachers. I already knew what they were teaching. Really, English class? Please. I've been writing poetry and deep journal entries since I'm a toddler. What a waste of time.

With a perfect sister like Olga, I had to know. I had to acquire all the knowledge I could and all on my own. Not that my parents were even interested in _my _outstanding grades. Oh no, that was unheard of in the Pataki universe. Still, my grades remained intact since the sixth grade, once I came to terms that no matter if I got an A or a big fat F, Big Bob would never care because I wasn't Olga and Miriam was too wasted to even remember what the word grade meant.

I had the best grades, it was tie with Phoebe, and won every competition I entered, hosted by the school and outside of the school, and never once told my lame parents. Every ribbon, every certificate and every trophy, I kept them. Except the big trophies, those ended in Phoebe's garage or, in unlucky situations, the school called Bob and he demanded '_his trophy'_. There was nothing I could do there. And even those massive trophies, they were stocked in some empty corner, overshadowed by Olga's. Like always, pushed to the dark corner by Mary Sunshine and her doll performance.

"I can't wait to graduate," I spoke again. _So I can go to college and ignore my parents and Ol-ga. _

"I can't wait, either," he said. I looked at him surprised. I never thought he would be anxious to graduate. Everyone loved him, _everyone_. Not like me, though. _No one will ever love you like I do, Arnold._ He had to be experiencing the time of his life in high school, right? "I mean it. I'm so sick of it, and bored. These past four years have been…" he paused, searching for a word.

"Exhausting, crazy, odd, stupid," I offered.

He nodded. "Exactly. I love all of our friends, but I'm tired of it, you know?"

"Your friends," I clarified. "Many stopped being friends to me a long time ago." He frowned and started to form the question but I interrupted. "Not important."

"But you'll tell me?" He asked hopefully. I looked away. My eyes fell on my bruised left hand. His eyes must have focused on my hand too, because he asked, "What happened to your hand?"

"I punched Wolfgang in the face," I growled. Wolfgang. Arrogant, disgusting moron. Arnold raised an eyebrow. "Why, Arnoldo, _you_ want to know the details of such a violent act?"

He nodded. "Sounds like an amusing story."

"The idiot had the audacity of asking _me_ out. Me, Helga G. Pataki." I heard Arnold laugh. "Not funny. Naturally, I laughed in his face and said no. The primate grabbed my arm and tried to sweet talk me. It pissed me off, told him to get his hands off of me…you know, Dr. Bliss told me to control my temper and all that. He went for more, so I broke his nose." I finished with a contented sigh.

"_Come near me again, and I'll break more than your nose, BUCKO."_

Yeah, that was one of the best moments of Ol' Betsy.

"He deserved the broken nose," he said. "And isn't he supposed to be in college? When did this happen?"

"This morning. Maybe he's home for the weekend, ran to mommy." I stayed quiet for a minute. "Although, if that's the case, he's lucky. I wonder what that's like, going to a normal home, not a wrecked one."

"If you want to talk about it…" He placed his hand on my shoulder, a gesture of friendship. His touch was so comforting and it meant the world to me. Arnold worried about me, comforted me. He was like medicine, he healed me.

"You know Miriam is an alcoholic."

"I had suspicions," he said. He knew, he had known something was up since we were nine. The DUI and community service made it so stinking obvious.

"Do you know when I found what that word meant? I was barely nine, Arnold. I heard Bob talking about it. I searched it, that word, _alcoholic_. I wasn't all that surprised when I found out, it made sense. She is always drinking smoothies or coffee or whatever it really is. She forgets about everything, and I mean everything." It was thanks to me that there was food in the house, I was the one reminding Miriam to go shopping. Or did the shopping myself when she was too drunk to even move. Bob couldn't care less and Olga never ate anything. I was the one starving and eating junk food all the time. Cool at first, but after a while I started to get sick.

"They're cheating, both of them. Miriam is always taking classes of something. Dancing, cooking, painting, pottery, you name it. She ends up sleeping with her instructors. Bob always has business trips and meetings and golf games, all excuses. One day, I was leaving for school and he was just getting out of the car. I passed him and he reeked of cheap perfume, some tramp's perfume. I was twelve."

"I'm sorry," he told me softly. I wanted to hug him, to tell him to take all the stupid memories of my idiotic family away.

"And Olga, she's so incredibly annoying! Always so positive and happy when it's so flipping obvious that everything is destroyed. It's all a show, I know it. She's in deep depression, behind that happy performance. She goes from happy and cheerful to a complete crying mess in seconds. Any mention of _reality_ makes her scream and run crying. I can't stand her, I never could, I never will," I said with finality.

I vowed that If I was ever blessed with a child, to never commit the mistakes of my parents, and to shower that child with all the love, patience and affection that I didn't have. I would give my child warm looks, kisses and hugs. I would be there whenever I was needed. And if I had a second child, I would pay as much attention as the first.

Arnold surprised me by taking my hand. Ol' Betsy, my bruised hand! "I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Whenever you need me, I'm here," he said. I said nothing; I was too distracted by the feeling of his warm hand in mine, his fingers occasionally stroking my bruised knuckles. It was what I wished for every second of the day. His attention and love and wonderful soul, I wanted it all, I wanted his everything. I wanted to give him everything I had in return. He already possessed parts of me, unknowingly, but his nonetheless.

He had given me a friendly smile, and shared his umbrella with me. He was the only one in my world. He opened the doors to the wonderful universe of feelings, love and compassion. He was my love, my inspiration, my muse and my savior. So kind and selfless, a beautiful human being. There was no one else like him. Not for me. I would remain his, forever, even if he never found out. Even if fate, selfish and cruel, decided not to bring us together, I would forever be his.

Without thinking, I hugged him. I should have pulled my hand away and put distance between us, but I couldn't. My love grew in its intensity, as impossible as it sounded, and I had to do something to express those feelings somehow. Feelings I dared not to speak, and that he probably would never understand or reciprocate. "Thanks, Arnoldo." _You'll never know all the things I'm thanking for. _

"For what?"

"Just thanks, Football Head," I said with my edgy tone everyone was so scared of – everyone but him.

"Whatever you say, Helga," he gave me his usual play-along reply.

I sighed. "Oh brother. I really put my frustrations out there, didn't I? Sorry, I should have shut up." _With you everything is so easy, my love. Everything but to confess the tender love I feel. _

"I think you needed that," he said. Or I needed him, when did I not need him? Hell, he was the reason I stayed sane! But he was right, of course. I needed to talk, get it off my chest, that's what Dr. Bliss always said. She was away in her well-deserved vacation in the Caribbean. I was happy for her, she had worked for a long time without a rest, but I missed her. With time, Dr. Bliss became more than my therapist, she was my friend.

Talking to him was wonderful, to the point of believing it was a dream, like many others. Except this time, it really was happening, I was spending Friday night with Arnold! Granted, not in the romantic, mushy way I've always dreamed of, but it was something. And he was smiling.

"It's pretty late, we should go to sleep," he said.

"Oh…right. Yeah." What was with the stuttering? The boy did silly things to my brain with his stupid, amazing, bright smile. _I hate him…and yet, I love him._ I took a deep breath. _You can do this, Helga old girl_. "So, I'll take the couch?"

"No, I'll sleep on the couch. You can have the bed."

"Oh no. Hell no, hair boy. I'll take the couch and you will sleep in your stupid bed, you got it?" I said with a menacing tone.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sleeping on the couch, that's final. But, if you want to join me, sure! I warn you, it won't be comfortable." His face turned smug, like he thought he won. No luck, handsome.

"Okay, Arnold. If you are so _eager_ to sleep with me," I gave him my best evil smile, "why not?"

"Don't be so stubborn. Just take the bed," he paused, "Or I'll really sleep on the couch with you." I kept refusing, so when we went into the room, he sat on the couch. "We'll have to share it, then. Bring blankets, unless you want to–" I let out a frustrated 'Criminy!' causing him to smirk at me. "So, the bed?"

"Whatever, Football Head." I grabbed my stuff and went to change, not needing him to tell me where the bathroom was. That geekbait infuriated me. And I just wanted to grab him and kiss him when he did that. I returned to the room with a scowl on my face but it quickly turned into concerned expression when I saw him, so sad and silent, gazing at the picture of a happy couple.

His parents.

Fate was indeed selfish and cruel. Fate had separated this wonderful boy from his loving parents, making him a victim of doubt and uncertainty. He, who brought light and happiness to so many lives, deserved nothing but joy. Yet, he was rewarded with an empty space in his heart, the absence of his mother and father.

I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, like he did minutes ago when I needed his friendship. I wanted to do more, whisper to him soothing and caring words, confess my love for him and only him, tell him that I thought of him to be everything, my everything. But I limited myself to stay silent next to him. It killed me to see him so vulnerable and hopeless.

"I want to believe they are alive, like I did when I was a kid. But it's nothing but a fantasy."

I felt like a bullet went through my heart. I had complained all night about my parents, and that probably caused his mood now. "I'm sorry," I choked out.

"I have Grandpa and Grandma, but I still wish I could have everything." Although not one tear spilled, I could hear the tears in his voice. He deserved every wonderful thing in the world, why couldn't he have exactly that?

"In a way, I know what you are feeling," I said, hoping to make the guilt go away. "While Bob and Miriam are there, are they really?" His eyes held an understanding look. "I'm sorry I brought up all this parent stuff."

"No, Helga. This just happens, it had nothing to do with our talk. The anniversary was just last month so...it's fresh."

"Hey, maybe tomorrow I can show you how to sneak into Dinoland?" _Please stop being sad. It's torture. _

"_Nobody_ knows your secret door to Dinoland," he said with a tone of curiosity.

"I'll let you in the secret." The only secret I would let him know. "Goodnight, Football Head."

"Goodnight," he yawned and laid back, almost instantly falling asleep. It was a man thing, I supposed.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep. The bed was comfortable and...it was his bed. His smell was everywhere and it was just so comfortable and incredible. But falling asleep was impossible. I kept glancing anxiously towards the couch, it wasn't even voluntary. After minutes, I understood why it was so hard to fall asleep. My inspiration reached its maximum level, with the presence of the muse himself, and I had to write something.

Thankfully, my things were close to the bed, so it was easy to get my pink book, one of the biggest I owned. It was special. The best poems, the most intense fragments, huge moments of desperation, pain and inspiration, words professing undying love, this book had it all.

The words started writing themselves before I even knew it.

_The smile that gives me hope_

_Comes from lips calling an alluring song_

_Your lips, where my own belong_

_My love, give me a soft promising kiss_

_And I would forever live in bliss_

_As I am yours, I wish you were mine_

_The sinful temptation is so divine_

_Our hands, I dream to entwine_

_Your taste, better than the finest wine_

_For you, my only one, I yearn and cry_

_Without you, my only hope, I would die_

I felt a pang of pain and jealousy when I remembered someone else had had all those things I wanted, someone had had Arnold by her side, not me. More than once, in fact. But the last case, that was the worst for me, it was hell.

In Freshman year, after years of not having a crush, Arnold got a new love._ Gloria._ I later found out that it wasn't Arnold, it was Gloria the one who had the crush and dragged him into a relationship. But the yutz still went out with her, didn't he? Idiot. That lasted about two months, he ended it. Still an idiot. Who did she think she was? She was a some copy of me, back in the fourth grade, she even wore the same dress I did in that time. I already disliked her and she went and got all close with Arnold.

Ugh, just because she was nice, delicate and considerate. Another Lila, the blonde version. Not that I had anything against Lila...not anymore. In fact, I actually liked Lila before the whole 'Arnold loves Lila' fiasco. I never really liked Gloria because of that crazy 'Helga doesn't exist' dream. And she was Stinky's replacement...okay, I never even cared about that but whatever. That girl got to be in Arnold's attention, that confirmed her as my nemesis.

Around that time, in a desperate attempt to prove to myself that I wasn't the plague, I'd let a Senior kiss me. It felt so wrong, and he was quite violent, his teeth knocked mine and that freaking hurt. He didn't notice though, and continued kissing me for minutes. There was no spark, no desire, and no urge. The kiss with Arnold on the FTi roof was much better and memorable, and I was only a child then. But the kiss with that random boy...I didn't feel the need to squeal and jump around. Overall, it was boring and lousy. Three out of ten. _That_ lousy.

I had pushed him away after it ended and left, but not before scowling and ordering him to never talk about what had happened and for the effect, I had lifted my fists. I never heard a word of it, so he must have listened really well. Good boy.

After that, I felt disgusting and dirty. I brushed my teeth obsessively every time I remembered that stupid kiss. Guilt invaded me, lips that were not Arnold's had touched mine, I broke my own promise, the promise that he would be the only one. I was so restless, that I started crying in an emergency therapy and just couldn't stop. Dr. Bliss had never looked so worried, but managed the situation expertly, as always.

I shook my head at the memory. I was such a basketcase! I actually cried because I kissed some guy that wasn't Arnold. Even now, thinking about it makes me gag a little. Criminy, talk about a bad memory.

I laid back and looked to my left, where a picture captured my attention. I hadn't noticed it before and it was really strange, because it was absolute beauty. Arnold's mother holding him and his father beside them. Arnold couldn't be more than ten months in that picture. And now, paying attention, I saw that he had pictures everywhere. His grandparents, his parents in what I supposed was the short period they were present in Arnold's life, friends, even the boarders and...

I practically bolted out of the bed.

The sand castle competition! I completely forgot they took a picture. How did he manage to get it? I traced the picture with my finger, our linked arms and his face. I sighed at the memory. That sandcastle competition gave me the opportunity to kiss Arnold for the second time.

Maybe someone else got to kiss Arnold's lips. But I was the first, scripted or not, I was the first that had the gift of kissing him. Not once, not twice, but three times. Suddenly, the pain wasn't that bad and the jealousy was almost gone. Almost.

That night, I fell asleep with a smile on face. And it was the best feeling of the world, because it came from loving Arnold.

The next morning, I woke up very early with the sun shinning through the windows. In a normal day, or at my own house, this would have caused me to have a mood straight from hell, but not today. This morning I felt alive.

I stretched lazily and looked over to the couch, where Arnold slept soundly and didn't look like he

would wake up any sooner. I reached for my book and wrote a piece that formed itself in my mind while I watched him.

_Darling, today I woke up to a beautiful sight_

_It was you dreaming, nothing is more bright_

_I hold you under my loving gaze as I write_

_The start of my days had never been so right _

I made the bed and rushed to the bathroom to shower and change quickly, before anyone wanted to use it and I was in the way. The last thing I wanted to be was a bother in Arnold's house. I went downstairs, maybe I could help Gertie with something, anything. I was in the last step of the stairs when the door opened, and Gertie came in holding the paper in one hand and small thing in the other.

"Good morning, Venus!" She greeted me cheerfully. Venus? "Look what I found."

"Morning," I replied, walking towards her and taking the paper from her, so she wouldn't have her hands full. I got a closer look to her discovery. A small, shaking kitten, black and grey. Right, Arnold told me she liked cats, a lot apparently. She cradled it gently in her hands, looking down adoringly at the animal.

"A small one, wonder what happened to the mother. Want to help me clean this soldier?"

"Sure." I really liked this woman, there was something about her. Maybe it was her missing marbles, or her eccentric ways. I liked her a lot.

By the time the kitten was clean, it was purring and playing with her fingers. I'd seen her in her crazy moments, and I knew she could destroy the whole freaking city if she felt like it, but she was so easy to trust. Especially when she was being caring and cheerful. I helped with breakfast, too, and set the table. Arnold's grandpa came down and when he saw me helping his wife, he joked about keeping me captive. I laughed, and silently wished that could happen.

"Another cat, Pookie?"

"Yes, a soldier! Venus here helped me make him feel at home."

He rolled his eyes and said, "Alright, Pookie."

"Where's Tex?"

"Morning," I heard and looked up to the door, where Arnold was standing. He appeared to be fresh out of the shower and wore one of his trademark plaid shirt and jeans. He walked in further but stopped midway. "Another cat," he stated.

"A soldier," Phil remarked.

Arnold chuckled and looked at me. "Hey," he said.

A managed to hold my lovesick sigh in and gave him a small smile. "Hi, Arnold." I looked back down and resumed what I was doing before he showed up, but my concentration was kept in him. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him moving around the kitchen. And for my old shrines, were his eyes greener?

Breakfast was better than dinner, just because the faces of the boarders in the morning were priceless. The fight for the pancakes was something else. And I though the mashed potatoes were a battle field! I did, however, kept an eye on Kokoshka. I caught him staring at my pancakes and there was no way I would let him get his hands on them. Even if I had to strike him. Phil would encourage it, I was sure.

"Eyes on your plate, Kokoshka!" Potts shouted.

"Sneaky man, trying to steal our pancakes. Very creepy," Hyunh followed.

Later, I walked with Arnold, showing him my secret path to sneak into Dinoland. He was almost running, he couldn't contain his excitement. He always said how much he loved the park, and that didn't change with time. If anything, the place was cooler than ever with the new rides and attractions. I was actually a little worried they would close my secret entrance when they started the renovations. But nope, it was still there.

"Welcome to Dinoland," I told him.

"That is impossible! How did you manage to find it? At seven years old, no less," he inquired.

I avoided that question. "Come on, let's go to the new ride!"

Three hours later, we had been in almost every attraction in the park, old and new. "It's a whole different thing when you are not stuck in the roller coaster, isn't it?" I laughed, remembering that disastrous afternoon when Arnold got stuck with Eugene.

He rolled his eyes. "Just...never remind me of that day."

"I don't know, Arnoldo, it was pretty funny..."

"Subway, rats, doomed, ra-" he said and planned to continue but I got the idea.

"Never speak of it again, done deal," I quickly promised before he could say that word again. I hated rats. "I'm going to the ladies room, Football Head. See ya in a few."

The line for the bathroom was long as hell, so I allowed my mind to wander, thinking of the wonderful day I had so far. Dinoland wouldn't be the same after this, that was for sure. Not after hours here with Arnold. As the line advanced, I thought that a friendship with Arnold would be excellent, we were already friends, sorta. His best friend dated mine, of course we were friends. But a real friendship, spending time together, talking, not like I wanted to, but it was something? I would be close to Arnold.

When I went out to look for him, it took longer than necessary. Maybe he had gone to another attraction while he waited? That line did take a long time to move, it was Saturday afternoon in one of the main places to have fun, especially with kids. But...where was he? I finally spotted him, sitting at one of the tables, really far from the bathroom.

"I thought someone kidnapped you," I half-joked. For a moment, I really was worried about him. He looked startled by my sudden appearance. He then looked at me...different. Like he was trying to discover something. "What, do I have something on my face?" I raised my hand to my face, but he shook his head. And things turned awkward, the way he was looking at me, like he was trying to work something by watching me.

"Wanna eat something?" I asked nervously, desperate to make him snap out of that state.

"I'm not hungry," he said almost immediately. "I think we should go back." I shrugged and started walking. I went over everything in my mind, had I done something? He was fine before I left, why was he acting so strange now? The walk to his house was tense, we barely spoke. Such a contrast from hours before.

He got tired of me, that had to be it. Too much time with Helga G. Pataki, it would make anyone sick, even Arnold. And just minutes ago I was thinking we could be_ real_ friends. How naive and stupid of me.

We hadn't even completely stepped into the house and his Grandma came out. "Eleanor! Kimba! How was your expedition?"

"Really interesting, Grandma." What? Why would he use 'interesting' and why the cryptic tone? Giving him a sideways glance, I told her it was cool. That's a correct reply, not 'interesting'.

"Well, I have homework to do. See you at dinner Grandma. Coming Helga?" He gave me an expectant look, and I nodded. I didn't really have homework, everything was completed yesterday, but I could pretend. I had a lot in mind I could write in my book.

I did just that, I wrote small poems, the events of the day and added a few details I considered important. A part of me was aware that he was in the room, doing his homework, although he didn't seem to pay attention to it. At some point, I felt his eyes on me and tried to ignore it, but the feeling of a stare is nearly impossible to ignore, and this was Arnold's stare.

"I ran into Mr. Simmons at Dinoland," he said suddenly.

"Oh. What did he say?" I asked, curious of why he just mentioned it. No, it wasn't what he said, it was how he said it. Like he was hinting something.

"He asked about you," he informed me, standing up and walking towards me, until he was finally right in front of me. I had never seen that look on his face, it was too serious, almost angry. "He also asked if I was surprised. How happy he was about _us_. " Huh? Say _what_? "He mentioned poetry; he said he knew it would get even better with time, with more inspiration_. _He said he was glad the anonymous aspect was finally gone, with that huge contest you won with a poem about..." I childishly covered my ears before he could finish that.

Damn it. How was this possible? If I ever wanted to tell Arnold, or give him a hint or anything, I wanted to be the one to tell him. I wanted the words to fall from my lips, much like it happened in the FTi roof, when I cowardly took my words back afterwards.

He grabbed my wrists and removed my hands from my ears. "I need to know what exactly Simmons was talking about."

"Don't you know already?" I muttered, dread settling in my stomach.

"Yes, but I want to hear it from you," he said and moved closer to me.

"I...I don't know what you are talking about. ...Football Head," I threw in the last part with forced irritation.

"You said it once, and you took it back, I know it was my idea but…I thought…I don't know, but it never crossed my mind that you could actually…"

"What, geekbait? That I could love? That a bully like me, someone so ugly and unpopular, couldn't be capable of loving a boy like you? Was the idea so ridiculous and disgusting that made you offer me the opportunity to take it back?" I growled. For that brief moment, I didn't care that I basically just told him.

"What? No! Now you're acting ridiculous."

I gave him a cold glare. Fake, all of it was fake. Why must this happen? I hadn't acted so mean to him in years. And now, when all he wants to hear is a confirmation of my love, simple words I've been muttering in secret for years, now I go back to the false act of hate? I couldn't stop myself. "Get over it, bucko. That was nine years ago, and like you said, I took it back. I didn't mean any of it." I picked up my pink book that somehow ended on the floor.

"I don't believe you," Arnold said, looking at the object in my hands. "I found a pink book like that once. What's in _that_ book you're holding now, Helga?" I held my book tighter. "What would I find if I read it?"

I stood up, and headed to pick up my stuff. I was desperate to leave, I had to get out of here pronto. The pressure was too much and my heart couldn't take it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, exasperated.

"I'm leaving. This was a bad idea." And then, I was going to find Simmons and kick his _special_ ass. That sure would be a _special_ way to express my anger.

"I don't want you to leave." Oh, please, not the pity. Not his condescending voice, the one he used when he helped whatever poor bastard that needed his assistance and advice. I shrugged and kept throwing things in my bag. "Helga, please talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk about." The pink book was snatched out my hand. "What! Give it back, _now!_" This couldn't happening to me.

"You won't tell me, so I'll read it."

"Arnold, I swear I'll deck you."

He put the book behind his back and turned his face. "Go ahead, hit me. But I'm not giving you the book."

He was taller than me, so no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get the book out of his hands, he was stronger, too. I could have taken him, sure. But I couldn't fight him, I never could. All those threats, but I never punched him or damaged him. I slumped on the couch with a defeated sigh.

"Go ahead and read it, then." I buried my face in my hands, ready for the humiliation and heartbreak. Would I be able to keep my tears away? That book was a compilation of poems over the years, since I was nine to the current date. They revolved around love, hate, desperation during the first years. New things were added with the years, intense and growing feelings, and soon they would be subjects of my chagrin. Several words and sentences crossed my mind, all from the book that was my confidant.

_My beloved, and my despair_

_Will I be forever enslaved by your spell?_

_Am I bound by this tragic rule?_

_The need to get lost in your fiery eyes_

_Will I ever have the courage?_

_My burning love will not fade to ash_

Maybe if I made a run for it, but he knew where to find me, and one page was enough to know.

The silence fell upon the room. I pressed my fingers harder and harder against my face with the sound of every passing page. He was awfully quiet, was he disgusted? Or amused by how stupid I was? Oh, I couldn't stand this torment, I ached at the thought of how repulsed he had to be. Who in their right minds would want Helga G. Pataki to be crazy in love with them?

My thoughts were interrupted by his hands, trying to pry my own from my face. I shook my head, I would not let him see into my eyes. My resolve broke, along with my heart, and I let out a raspy sob. He put one hand in my hair and the other on my chin. Why was he doing this? It was going to destroy me. "Helga, don't be stubborn, come on," he tried to reason but I sobbed harder than before. "Just tell me," he pleaded.

I dropped my hands from my face and stared at him. He stared back, begging me with his eyes. And as much as I tried to find it, I couldn't see the disgust anywhere in his face.

Finally, I whispered a broken, "I love you, okay?"

A smile spread across his gorgeous face. He lowered his face to mine and kissed me. It was shy and slow at first, but after a minute the passion grew, and he pressed his lips firmly against mine. Despite the shock that overwhelmed me, I responded to his eager kiss. Elation filled my heart, my dream was happening, becoming a part of reality. I gripped his hair in my hands, something I'd always imagined when dreams of kissing him invaded me. I poured all the love I felt in that kiss, and Arnold returned every feeling with his lips. I broke the kiss, but didn't separate the distance between us. This was what all my life was about and now...I looked at him in wonder, a different light in his eyes. Could I say relief? Could it be possible?

The smile was still present in his face. "It's an understatement but...I love you, too. If you weren't so stubborn-" I pressed my lips against his once more, he welcomed the gesture, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pulled away, just a little. I stared at him in wonder. "I'm so sorry I took so long. I kinda always loved you. I always saw _you_."

"You mean it," I laughed, kissing every inch of his face. He was surprised by my sudden outburst of happiness, but his smile told me he liked the surprise. My eyes fell on the pink book and I groaned. "I can't believe you read it. This is so embarrassing." I dropped my head to his shoulder.

"Knew you were a softy behind that tough look," he murmured in my ear. After what he read, I couldn't even deny it. So I just let happiness take me, after years of longing and disappointment, it was what I needed the most. And Arnold, but again, what is happiness without Arnold?

…That's a keeper. It was definitely going to the pink book.

"You are not freaked out?" I asked shyly. There was a hell lot in that book, more than enough for him to throw me out and avoid me for the rest of his life.

"I already read one pink book," he said gently and nodded his head towards the top shelf next to his desk. "Want to tell me what the winning poem was about?"

"You," I said. I would show him a copy...someday.

"Want to have dinner with me?" he asked, pretending to look shy, but I could see the corners of his lips turning up. _Smile, my love, smile._ We left the room holding hands, and I was amazed at how natural it felt. "You have a lot to tell me."

"We'll see about that, Football Head."

"What about ice cream? It's not really dinner, but..." he left the sentence unfinished and shrugged.

"You know, _Ice Cream_ is just what I want." I chuckled to myself.

He yelled that we were leaving and Phil called back, "Okay! Remember, never eat raspberries!"

Ice cream never tasted better.

Our Saturday night was very much like Friday night, with the exception that I no longer had the limitations of my insecurities when it came to Arnold, and I just let my feelings out. I couldn't have been more wrong about him not understanding those feelings. He did, not only that, but he returned them. We talked even more than the night before, now really free. And I kissed him, a lot. The best part was that he kissed me, too.

Sunday morning we went downstairs together, our fingers brushing. His grandparents smiled knowingly when they saw us and I heard Phil muttering, "'Bout time the boy did something."

Gertie just kept smiling and held her spoon up. "Raspberries for everyone!"

"Aww, no, Pookie!"

Breakfast was just like the Saturday, with the exception of the looks we were getting from his grandparents. This was starting to get old and why they did look so pleased? Yeah, happy moment and all but there was something else that I couldn't place.

When it was time to go, he walked with me to my house. I welcomed the distraction, it was never pleasant to go back, and my mood wasn't the best. But Arnold made everything better.

"I think your grandparents will throw a party," I told him.

"They have a similar story. Grandma tortured Grandpa in grade school. She was worse than you, actually. She poured ink on her hair and blamed him, put tacks on his chair, kicked his Chinese checkers boards. I knew the story, but I had no idea it was Grandma until last year."

"I knew she was more than awesome! She is so boss!" I exclaimed. No wonder I liked her so much, she was...well, I was her, in lower doses.

"I guess, it brought memories, maybe." He said as we reached the house and I stood in front of it, completely silent. "Hey, come to my house for breakfast tomorrow."

"Really?" I asked and he nodded with a small smile. "Okay, and you will come with me to school. Ditch Geraldo, I'll deal with him later." I showed him the Five Avengers, since Ol' Betsy was still weak.

"No punching Gerald. I don't think Phoebe would like it." He pecked me on the cheek before I went into the house, making me sigh like the girl in love I truly was.

The first thing I saw when I opened the door was Bob ending a call. "Oh. Hi, Olga."

"Helga. It's Helga."

"Yeah, whatever. Listen, gotta go. Work calls." Yeah, more like affair calls. He put his coat on and pretty much ran out of the house. It looked like the whore had her claws secured on him.

"All hail the cheating king," I muttered under my breath. I caught a glimpse of Miriam in the trophy room, dozing off with an empty glass in hand. "Hey Miriam, how's it going!" I yelled and she sat up, startled. She slurred something impossible to understand. Ignoring her, I went to my room and immediately ran to the phone.

"Yo, Pheebs! You'll never guess the weekend I had. I stayed at Arnold's house and that's not-"

"I don't know you! Stop calling me!" The gruff voice of a man said. Whoops. Call and gush to Phoebe, try number two.

"Moshimoshi," I heard the sweet voice of my friend. Screw explanations, I had to tell her the big part.

"Ice Cream loves me!"

* * *

><p><strong>So what did you think? The only way I saw Helga confessing was if Arnold confronted her. He's been in love with her for quite some time here. I actually have more installments planned, like Arnold's take in all this and years before, the Patakis and more :) <strong>

**Thank you for reading! Don't be shy and drop me a review, please?**


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